By Luke Miller
We are often sold a romantic view of what a loving relationship is supposed to be. Flowers, candlelit dinners and wild sex. The truth is true love can often be the simple gift of presence, sitting in silence with comfort or peeing with the door open.
Love is part of what we need to make a relationship work, but there are also many other components that give us the difference between a successful relationship and one of dependance below are 6 of those things we need to make a relationship work.
Trust is the foundations of a relationship, without it you will always be liable to be blown over by a simple gust of wind. Trust comes as a result of self confidence and honesty. With this as something you live by, or a goal you aspire to hold with your partner, you will be building something that has the ability to withstand the greatest storm.
Passion can fade or at least temporarily decrease in intensity. A person can change something that you once found exciting about them. A relationship can be a rollercoaster of up and down emotions, so being friends is fundamental.
Sometimes at the start of something fiery it can be hard to know if you are actually friends or just infatuated with each other. But if you want to ever get anything done you need to pivot (at least some of the time) from the fire to something more manageable, which is friendship.
Friendship is the common ground you share. The belly laughs in the middle of the night that wake the neighbors. Or the deep 3am conversations that you just could not share with many people.
I think there is a very big difference between acceptance and selling out on a piece of yourself that is non negotiable. This is where values come in. Your partner being a little inconsiderate with their words is something you may have to accept sometimes, however them being constantly verbally abusive may (should) be something that is not acceptable.
Regardless of if we are conscious of it or not, we all have core values (that often change) and knowing these values is the first step. Secondly making these values very clear to your partner is the next step. For me honesty and kindness are the 2 non negotiables that I expect from myself and anyone I spend time with. These differ from person to person, but if you are going to spend your life with someone, you should make sure it is someone who can respect your values.
This works in 2 ways I believe- firstly you need someone to be interested in. This comes as a result of sharing an interest with the person, or being curious in things in general. Secondly you have to make the effort to show an interest. Human beings love to be understood and heard, especially by those who they are giving such a commitment too. In a world that often bombards us with noise and distraction, someone giving you their undivided attention for a part of your day goes a long way to a building strong foundations for your future.
Nothing beats someone who makes your stomach do summersaults just by making eye contact with you. And while this can be intense to live with this all day every day, once the original fire has died down a good old dose of passion goes a long way.
There are many ways to be passionate and it certainly differs from person to person- it could be a passionate poem declaring your love. A surprise weekend away to somewhere romantic. Or just a look you give to the person you are in love with. However you express it, a little passion will help fan the flames of your relationship.
No one is immune to the transformational power of love! Find the right person and love them with every inch of your soul. Much love, Luke
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